You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
