Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
