you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
