Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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