I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
