lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
