you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just high enough for therapy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
