Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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