Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
