sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
