im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
