i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
