btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
