I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
People in love make me want to vomit
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
