i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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