Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
this will be a night to untag.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
