please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
