I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
