I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
