My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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