she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
