just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
