Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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