he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
