Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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