Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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