So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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