I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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