Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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