hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
