Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
