Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
