He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
