Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
