does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
