I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
