she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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