i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
