Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
