i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
