im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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