She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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