legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
