Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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