Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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