I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
