Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
