is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
