i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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