id be glad to
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
